On The Brink of a New Year!

Titanic! One that actually made land...

This new year will mark the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic on her maiden voyage. In April 1912 it was a disaster like no other and the history of the event lives on; quite likely it will continue for another hundred years!

My partner, Paul McIntyre is a model builder. He was born and raised in England and arrived here in Nova Scotia in 2007. One of his, "models in process" in June of 2008 was Titanic. He'd started the model in England and brought it here unfinished. Late in 2008 he finished it.

This model is 5 feet long and 1:200 scale. Paul gets a tad annoyed at models that aren't true to the actual ship and the colours used at that time, or that have the name of the ship out of scale. There was only one Titanic and even in silhouette it's recognizable to most people. Models should express as much detail as possible to get a good idea of the actual size of the original. Titanic was huge for its day and weighed 45,000 tons.

He makes a lot of models of vehicles, cannon, and anything that is of interest to him at the time. If he can't get a part or bit he needs he makes it himself. His models are fabulous but I'm one of his fans. What do you think?

This is a model cannon from a period ship. Paul's now working on the Royal Caroline, one of the most decorated ships ever made. Ostentation only begins to describe it.

So Much Can Happen...

In an hour, a day, a week or a month. Sometimes it boggles the mind how quickly your entire life can change for any number of reasons.
One thing that's changed in my life the last month is the birth of a hard-copy mail-out flyer that I'll be mailing in early January 2012. Or, within another week. It's almost incredible but only to me.

I was talking with some friends recently about advertising and explained that I had once spent ten years years publishing a monthly newspaper with the largest distribution in my province. It was an achievement I was quite proud of. I also learned a great deal about advertising and publishing.

While I was learning the software for my publication I took an advertising course offered through Adult Education and passed it with A+'s for all lessons. It was an interesting course and I enjoyed it. I also liked the comments from my teacher and looked forward to getting the lessons back.

My friends kept saying I should get back into the business so I went home and took an inventory of my current software and my available time to see if even a small project was do-able. I began by registering my company, PaperKnights Publishing Ltd.

Once that was taken care of I set up my files and accounting and got busy to sell advertising. My publication would be limited to several dozen adverts and published monthly, distributed into mailboxes throughout my own neighborhood.

The ads weren't hard to sell but getting my hand back into layout and artwork wasn't as easy as I thought it might be. Also the technology had changed a bit. Now we have PDF which would be a help to me because I could send the file to my printer and then go get it and take it to the post office who for the appropriate fee would get it out to community.

What I found was that most software is now targeted to online publishing and hard copy is almost ignored. I have to check and double check the dpi on graphics and anything that is turned into an image has to to checked to see how sharp the image prints; especially with text. It makes work to some degree but thankfully
I do have my initial knowledge and foundation as a resource.

It feels good to  be putting ads together again and since I live and work in a rural area, people have been very encouraging to me. I even contacted one of the printers I used to work with and they actually remembered me and were also encouraging. So I'm hyped to publish and looking forward to my first issue.

Marriage Was Invented to Give Men an Unpaid Servant.

I mean that in the most general way, but I do believe it to be true. I don't want to be misunderstood here. I know there are some wonderful men in the world. I'm lucky to have one of them for my partner. But historically "marriage" has had some promotional campaign! When marriage was initially instituted women were chattels. Things, like chairs and tables. Men would say, "I have land, a house, a horse, furniture and a wife." All assets.
I will not expound on the religious aspects of marriage but I do see it as part of the promotional package.

Women were to do their duty by their husbands and endow them with anything they might happen to own at the time of that marriage. This included giving them children. The children belonged to the man like everything else. Men were thought at the time to be the "superior species" who patronized women and did whatever they might get away with themselves. After all, who would believe "a mere woman".

The power was in the hands of men; political, social and economic. It stayed that way for centuries. A woman who inherited wealth from a father, mother or other relative lost it all to a husband when she married; unless her relative managed to tie it up legally. As to procreation, women were seen as the "oven" and men got the credit for it. The battle continues and equality takes a slow path.

Even education was thought to be wasted on a female because they would marry eventually and not need it. :) As though marriage was the complete answer to all the problems a woman might ever encounter.

Even in this century many women still think so. Some go into shock when a man deserts the marriage bed shedding wife and children without a backward glance. All manner of guilt trips don't work to bring back the wayward Lothario and they're left in utter confusion wondering why. After all they've been taught indirectly that to keep a man, they should get pregnant and have as many children as possible so that he doesn't dare stray. Hard to believe but a lot of females honestly believe this. Even in the face of birth control.

Many men never leave one relationship unless they have another woman waiting in the wings. Women on the other hand will leave thankfully whether or not they have a replacement partner. They want to think about it for a while. Analyse it and promise themselves not to get trapped again.

In our current society we have two working spouses. Much of the time this is a necessity to keep bills paid, children fed and body and soul together. While some men will help around the house many don't.
The working woman is expected to get off work, come home, do the laundry, cook, clean and collect the children before his royal majesty arrives.

One time they even had books out for women on how to "treat a man". Usually the text would tell the woman to meet hubby at the door with fresh makeup and clothing, his slippers by the fire, and a nice cocktail in her hand so he could relax from the world while she put his overshoes, top coat, gloves and walking stick in the closet. The table should be tastefully set, and the dinner cooked and ready to "serve". Poppycock!
Any children were to be out of sight and unheard because "the man of the house" needed peace and tranquility to refresh himself from the care and struggle of earning a living.

Even the education system promoted this lifestyle image providing courses that would make females better housewives. I remember HomeEc vividly; also remember a career counselor who told me to take a typing course so I could get secretarial work. I never did.

Oddly enough my daughter 20 years later also got told to take a typing course (or secretarial) in preparation for the work world. She's a Phd who actually works in her field of expertise. Go figure! Makes me question the quality of Career Counselors.

Now I have to mention vacuumn cleaners because when manufacturers built them for a man's workshop, they actually sucked up the dirt quickly and effectively. However when a machine was for the home, it required a lot more push and pull to get even a minimum of dirt collected. That always amazed me. I can only hope that has since changed. I bought a lot of shop vacs in my time for that very reason. :)

We're now well into a new century. We have "technology" up the ying yang which a hundred years ago would have been considered witchcraft. But the leaps and bounds of scientific and technological development have surged ahead while people have struggled to keep up with it and maintain their humanism. It won't be an easy century for many. Still others will manage quite well. Oddly enough, the more things change, the more they really do stay the same!

Stay Well until next time.

The RCMP, Facebook & The Facts of My Life!

I live in a small community. Our village is about 750 homes @ 1.5 persons per. The rest of us are spread out east and west and inland. We're on the Atlantic Ocean so rural living does have its advantages.

Recently someone went through the village using bright pink spray paint to decorate with racial remarks and anything else that came into their Lilliputian brains, on sidewalks, benches, private and public property. They also broke into the local funeral home and did more damage there. Most people believe this to be the work of "young" people who roam around at all hours of the night seemingly without parental controls or sanction. As a result of this event, the locals have been on Facebook expressing their disdain, anger, and frustration with whoever the responsible party might be. In addition, many are blaming the local detachment of the RCMP with all sorts of lackadaisical behaviour in not capturing the culprits.

Woe-be-tide those who disagree with some of these FB bullies! Once I see they’re over the edge I just stop talking to them. No sense in tormenting wounded bears!

BUT: I'm only going to say this once. I don't have the time or inclination to educate the masses. Nor, is it MY JOB to do so! So listen up. I've had it up the to the end of my patience with some of the supercilious comments on FB about, "the RCMP doin' there job(s)" (sic) in Sheet Harbour, NS. Usually from people who know little or nothing about the RCMP and what their function is in our society.

My father referred to them (the RCMP) as, "the gentleman's police force" because when they got you, they had all their ducks in a row. They didn't use knee-jerk reactions to anything or anybody. During my own life I've had my own experiences with them and I have to readily agree with my father.

Of course everyone is entitled to their "opinion", they're like backsides; everyone has one. But for heaven sake INFORM your bloody opinion!

These same people never attend an "open house" or a "community meeting" offered by the RCMP to my knowledge. It is the easy road to be critical and not offer substantial solutions to any given problem. If someone butted into their own jobs in this way they'd be screaming their mammary glands off. While they criticize they use or condone derogatory terms from others. They would be the very LAST to make any kind of report to the RCMP that might make our community a safer and more pleasant place to live. No. It's much better to avoid interacting with the RCMP, after all someone might think, "yer a rat".  Well I think “yer a rat” if you don’t!

Keep in mind, if you're not part of the solution you might be part of the problem!

And gawd forbid they put their name to a complaint. They want to be anonymous when it comes to law and order! That alone tells me more than I want to know about you.

In the same breath we do have "young people" peeling rubber all over the place as if they'd paid for it. I say, "young people" because someone who works to keep their vehicle in top condition would never put it at risk peeling the rubber and gunning the motor to show off. 

But for some the only mark they do leave in this world is on a highway or graffiti on a public or private building. I've seen it not only in the harbour but in points east and west, and I'm not alone. You wouldn't dare tell their parents because, well they won't believe it anyway OR one parent takes discipline too far!! (what ever that might indicate) Plus the tendency seems to be to shoot the messenger!

I also say "young people" because my eyesight is still pretty good even though I wear glasses. The rubber burners don't look old enough to keep a budgie bird in a cage successfully, let alone drive a 4000 lb piece of machinery around by themselves. But the law in Canada allows it. Apparently!

As citizens, if you don't like the laws then you work at changing them. Blaming the enforcers of those laws is just another way to kill the messenger!

Plus when they get caught speeding and fined, aahhh the names and cusses come out then and the RCMP are this, that, and the other; everything but what their mothers’ called them! DAH... speeding is a crime and you got caught! So why the bellyaching? You called the tune, so pay the piper!

When some residents did the Neighborhood Watch programs, they got nothing BUT derision and asinine comments for their efforts. Most of the time from adults. Who would not give up under that peer pressure? It can be very difficult to work for and with ignorance and ingratitude.

There are even some in the area who profess to know, "what others think". An amazing feat on its own. Usually it goes like: "They think there better than everyone else. I know for a fact they were born in a shack!" (sic) Amazing statement. Especially so since many a world famous person was raised in a shack and found a way to make a positive place in the world through their accomplishments. But, the local seers "know what they think".

Getting a volunteer program today would be difficult indeed. Now you're sitting there wondering WHY should anyone "volunteer" when in your mind the RCMP get paid to do it. WELL listen up... that's not their JOB and Sheet Harbour isn't MayBerry. Watching too many American sit-coms has a dark side. You begin to think your community should be like what you see on TV. Well, what you see on TV is fiction! F-I-C-T-I-O-N.

In real life, we still have three levels of government and the RCMP get their job descriptions from Halifax or other cities. They're not the local police station although they have served that purpose from time to time in concert with other forces. They could be stationed in some other community but they're HERE! They're here because someone local had the tenacity and foresight to fight blood and guts on paper to get them here. Their coverage area is geographically huge. Look it up!

Their job is not to look after traffic in the lil village of Sheet Harbour and question everyone with insomnia who might be out walking around after everyone else is safely tucked away in their beds. And, if you think "you" pay their wages and they should be accountable to YOU! Think again. You're not their employer. The Government of Canada is and they're accountable to them through a very long series of command. Reporting to you, isn't going to happen! So, get over it.

You can scream and stamp your feet all you like about “your tax dollars” but it just makes you look less informed than you already look. No one is going to put you straight either because, “its not their job”, and it’s up to you to do that for yourself like the rest of us.

Many people refer to the RCMP as a “highway patrol”. I’ve done it myself in ignorance. Still others seem to believe that the RCMP sit in their little office waiting for the phone to ring with a report on a murder, burglary, mayhem or some other major crime. If they’re not available or the vehicles aren’t in sight, then “they’re gone to bed.” How do you know they’re not in Upper Musquodoboit, Liscombe or Mooseland or some other part of their coverage area? I'm sure those residents expect to see them too.

Another criticism is that the local RCMP are “rookies”. How do you know that? Just because they’re young looking and in good shape doesn’t make them “rookies”. All of us in a career choice have to get experience and if you examine the training programs for this career, you’ll see they EARNED their place to get experience. They not only train here, they train all over Canada. Do you really think the government of Canada is going to give someone a loaded weapon who is a “rookie”? Maybe in LA or NYC but, not in Canada.

(Yeah I do know about the FAC but we cannot be all right, all of the time.)



Finally, there are now hints of some folks getting vigilante in the neighborhood. Well good luck with that. These are private individuals who legally or illegally punish an alleged lawbreaker, or participates in a group which metes out extralegal punishment to an alleged lawbreaker. It must be a wonderful thing to know everything there is to know and throw your weight around. I think its called being a Bully and frowned upon by society in general.

I was going to copy some of the comments here that I noticed on Facebook but doing so would only be an embarrassment to some, so I've controlled myself in that regard. Like my mother always said, "More to be pitied than laughed at" or, "There but for the grace of..."

FaceBook used to be a fun place to talk with friends and family. It's now a pain in the gluteous maximus. People all over the world are dumping it and I'm near doing the same. FB can stick its finger where the sun don't shine ...and so can the offensive verbal bullies and idiots on it.

Stay Well, everyone else!

Getting Old

One of my friends recently announced, “As far as I can tell there’s not one damn thing good about getting old.” He’s in his early fifties. I’m much older so it’s akin to listening to one of my children talk about something they have yet to experience. My response is a quiet, all knowing smile. Things don’t change, people do.

Aging is something we will all do. It’s not a choice. The only choice involved is in how you deal with it, work with it, or wrestle it into the ground. It sneaks up on you too and never plays fair. Not that anything in life is ‘fair’ per se, it just is. How you act or react is what really matters because that puts you in control.

Some people age faster than others or appear to. Our society has all sorts of phrases that are supposed to be flattering to older people such as, “She’s seventy years young.” Or “Are you really that old? You certainly don’t look it!” Another all time favourite, “Eeeewwww wrinkles; you really should get a face lift.” and I’m sure there are hundreds of other patronizing examples all of us have heard or even said at various times during our lives. Once you get “old” you don’t get a lot of options. You’re expected to dress a certain way, live in a retirement home, and behave according to a set of standards made up by someone called, “THEY.” Almost sounds like the rest of your life doesn’t it?

Attitudes

Just about everything you encounter throughout your lifetime will have the seed for failure or the seed for success. The result depends on your attitudes. It’s amazing how much in life depends on attitudes.

Aging is Sneaky

Remember when you turned thirty, and wondered how it happened so fast; and then it seemed like no time at all and you were looking forty and feeling fifty. With every decade that slid by you wondered where the time went.

So much importance is given to age in our society. “Respect your elders!” Remember that one? What if those “elders are complete SOBs, does age give them license? Some people think that once you get older that suddenly by some sort of magic osmosis you become wise, benign and cuddly. In my experience, if you were an SOB at 40–50 yrs you’ll just be a worse one at 70 and 80. Practice you know…

It has to do with your own core. If you never embrace change then change will not hug you back. You will be what and who you have always been. The survivors are those who do what they’ve always done, live where they want to live, dress the way they want to dress and continue to push forward like they usually do. Change is part and parcel of their lifestyle.

Having said that, there are and will be barriers. For one thing as you age, you start to lose muscle mass and you slow down considerably depending on your health levels. Your health will suddenly respond to all the abuse you gave it when you were younger. Your organs will suddenly begin to give out because they just couldn’t keep up with all those late nights and all that alcohol, coffee, or anything else that was used to excess. You will feel completely betrayed by your body.

Your brain unless you keep it active will also slow up. You’ll have a much wider experience bank to draw from, if you’ve kept track and bought into the tenets of life long learning. But maybe not.

Your doctor will start to make more money that you do because you’re visiting him or her much more often trying to keep track of your body’s conditions and finding ways and drugs to counteract those debilitating conditions.

For many people aging is not a fun time. For others it’s a vast relief. Any time you’re dealing with people the opinions and experiences are legion. Yours will be up to you.

Positive Aging

Most countries now have suddenly realized that the population has shifted and we have more “oldies” now than we have “youngies.” That should say something politically but I’m not sure what. Governments around the planet are promoting “Positive Aging” as an attitude and lifestyle. I have to agree with them. Most of the “negative aging” seemed to get its energy from those much younger and sadly many oldies bought into it and believed it.

Anyone who gets the opportunity to go to one of the many conferences on Positive Aging should go. It’s innervating, instructive, and a heck of a lot of fun. You’ll meet some people you never knew and run into others you used to know. In any event it’s a good experience and will give you a boost if you feel age is dragging you down. It’s also great to attend conferences organized and planned by someone else and not have to be a presenter.

“Change is inevitable-except from a vending machine.” (R.C. Gallagher.)

My aunt used to say, “When you stop changing you’re through!” She meant you have to keep up with the times and banish the fear of new experiences. Sometimes people get complacent and banish change from their lives as much as they can because they’ve found a comfort zone and they nest in it and woe betide anyone who upsets that nest.

The real power is the one we all possess. To change ourselves, to reconstruct ourselves into the kind of person we want to be. To reinvent ourselves rather than to follow all the programming drilled into us when we were youngsters. To make a decision based on what you believe rather than on what you’ve been told to believe.

You don’t have to wait for old age for any of that change. You can make positive changes at any age. You can reconstruct yourself at any age and you can reinvent a YOU that you’ll be completely happy with by becoming your own best friend and giving yourself the permissions to blossom and flower the way that’s best for you. Age has nothing to do with it.

Change your socks, your mind, your partner, your car, your house, your world. Not for the sake of change, but to open opportunities for yourself that allow you to grow into the person you want to be at any age.

BLT  -  Birth, Life, and Tomorrow

It’s all up to you. Stay well.

Death is not an invitation it’s a demand!

Death and dying is the one thing that enters every home usually when least expected. Least expected because no one really wants to think about it, prepare for it, or deal with it. It’s probably one of the least talked about topics in 99% of households. That’s just a guess. The odd thing is when it comes to "birth", everyone wants to talk about it.

There are of course situations where people have severe health problems or someone dear to them has the problem, then they have to focus on the topic whether they want to or not.

We all respond in different ways. Some folks are religious and some spiritual; most of us are not ready. There’s a multitude of ways to prepare for our respective “end.” Many of them are traditional and more often than not, some are not so traditional. Sooner or later we must all face the facts, if we get that chance and don’t meet our ends in a sudden accident or something along that line. Then we may not have the opportunity to make decisions about our end.

Personally, I’ve never had to, “deal with death” per se. I’ve had friends and relatives die of course but my life has been so fractionalized that only a half dozen of those deaths touched me deeply. Some of us don’t get a lot of practice dealing with death, while others do. We all react differently.

Some folk’s weep and some appear to be stone faced. Those who weep think those that don’t are heartless, and those that are stone faced are waiting for time alone so they may grieve and say their good-byes privately.

We are strange creatures us human beings. Some people prepare large and garish funerals and others prefer to leave as quietly as possible. Our differences make us interesting. Those who have left me did so from a distance. By the time I knew of their passing someone else had things well in hand and I had no personal dealings with specifics until recently.

My partner Paul was in great spirits one Monday and full of life as he usually is, when I left for a couple of hours to check on my business, only six kilometers away from our home. The year previous he’d had three mini strokes and a bevy of other health problems. We’d more or less solved those throughout the year. Being a man who had no previous experience with health problems all of this activity came as quite a bewildering experience for him. But I was fortunate to be able to guide him through it.

This time I was pretty useless. I arrived home and found him unconscious, stiff, and barely breathing. I immediately called 911, our emergency services number and since they have an office about one km away the paramedic troops arrived pretty fast. When they took over, I went into shock but tried hard to keep my mind focused on what to do next that would be helpful. He’d been having several serious operations the past year but the man is wiry with Viking blood in his DNA. How can he be unconscious? Nothing made sense to me.

He’s completely unprepared. He has a basic will, we both do; but he’s made no plans for his demise. They took him to our village hospital, it’s really not much more than a very good clinic since no operations take place there but they do have well qualified staff and can make several tests. If someone is near death’s door, they can air lift to larger hospitals in metro; a two-hour drive even for an ambulance.

They checked him out and decided against moving him into metro for a variety of reasons. One was because CPR can be quite violent on elderly people. Many on-lookers don’t fully understand that on someone thirty or forty years of age it won’t seem as violent but on someone much older too many other things can go wrong. In any event, after two teams of medical staff checked him over, I was told he’d pass away overnight and that if there were people I wanted to call I should do it now. If I wasn’t fully in shock before, I was now.

His relatives are 6,000 miles away and mine are 2,000 miles away. Between us we might have a couple of dozen people we could call really good friends. But because of the seriousness of the situation, you wonder who to call? Your mind goes blank. You sit beside his bed holding his cold stiff hand while he continues to breath a shallow breath and wonder what you could have done better or differently.

You talk to him hoping he can hear you but you don’t know if he can or not. You think of all the things you’ve done together and the plans you made together yet to be accomplished. You weep quietly.

The nurses keep checking on his condition and record readings for the doctors. Everyone whispers even though your partner is unconscious and since you found him his condition is little changed. You sit there for hours wondering how to break this news to those who love him thousands of miles away. You want to be sure he’s not suffering of course and the medics all assure you that he isn’t. He appears to be merely asleep. Like he does every night. But they all say tonight he won’t wake up ever again and you try to make some sense of that in your mind and cannot.

Eventually you have a friend join you so you don’t feel so terribly alone. Luckily the friend has been through a similar situation so they know what to expect even if you don’t. By 2 am you’re falling asleep in your chair so you decide to go home because you don’t know if you locked up or not when you left home and someone else drove your car to the hospital for you.

Once home, sleep is the last thing you’re able to do. You need noise in the house so you do laundry that doesn’t need doing but it will make noise so that the house seems normal. You know you’ll need a sleeping pill to get to sleep and you don’t have any. You know you’ll have to make some calls to his relatives but you wait until morning because of the time differences. When you do make the calls you know you’re incoherent even while you’re trying to explain things. You hope he doesn’t die before you get back to the hospital but it could happen, and you wonder if you did right in leaving at all. So you make the calls and cry some more although all the crying won’t change a blessed thing

You should sleep before driving your car because people will be driving to work soon and you could be a menace on the road if you’re not sharp. You try, but sleep simply will not come to you. Your mind is working overtime. Did you call everyone? Did you give them the hospital’s number? Did you give them enough detail? You ask yourself several dozen questions that you don’t have any answers for. You sit on the couch and begin to weep but you’re not sure if you’re crying for him or for yourself.

You go back to the hospital because they may be able to give you something to help you sleep and take away all the emotional pain and that zombie feeling that has taken over your entire being. You check on him first. The nurses in trying to make him more comfortable are giving him a bed-bath and he’s responding although he doesn’t know where he is or why these people are trying to wash him. He has no idea who you are either. He only wants to sleep. You stand in the doorway as your whole person is astounded. How can any of this be?

You’re too tired to figure it out but you suddenly realize all those calls you made have to be made again and you simply want to collapse and sleep yourself. You wonder about your sanity and whether or not this is just some sort of nightmare and it’s not really happening, you just don’t know how to wake yourself.

The medical staff is just as amazed as you are at his reawakening and have no answers that make any sense to you. Your doctor is prescribing sleep for you because you’re not your usual self and you know you won’t function until you do sleep. You were mentally preparing your mind to deal with his loss when life took a U-turn and now you want to be sure it's true, that he really will be OK.

Once assured he’s fine, you head back home. You’re not sure what to do so you take the prescribed Melatonin and try to sleep. You get four hours and think you’re OK again. So you start making calls again. You get a lot of questions you cannot answer and you know you’re not as sharp minded as you thought you were, so you give them all the hospital’s number and let the hospital try to explain it. You don’t go back to the hospital that day because they’re sending him to metro for some tests and bringing him back, so you figure the best course of action is to get some food into you and sleep so you’ll be fresh the next day.


Maybe the nightmare will go away by then. You hope your partner won’t have a lot of permanent damage, but you never know because you’re not a medical professional. So you sleep and wait for the morning again.

The next day you go to hospital and he’s sitting up in bed asking if he’d scared you. He now knows where he is and who he is, and who you are. He’s not sure what all the fuss is about.

He points to himself and smiles when he says, “Made in England!”

You smile back. He looks wan and you can see that this medical trauma has taken its toll. But, you breathe a mega sigh of relief and play it by ear.

Eventually after a lot of tests and reports you find out, he had another stroke that buried the previous three mini strokes, and when he collapsed his body went into a seizure. He’s now under severe observation and appointments are being made with another bevy of specialists.

You’re still not sure how you feel. Sort of like you’ve won a dismal kind of lottery. You’re relieved of course; but you don’t trust life anymore. You watch for signs of damage. Luckily for him, it’s minimal and you know he’ll recover as much as anyone can after such an experience. He remembers nothing of the initial incident.

Your daughter flies in from away and stays with you for several days and you’re relieved and happy to have the close human support to help you get back to your own comfort levels. Oddly to you, it does take days. You begin to examine your own questionable ties to life itself. You plan to make sure everything that needs to be in place to make things easy for your family are in place. No one should be left to make some of those decisions alone at such an emotionally charged time.

You eventually know you’ll be ok and start making those plans. You also know that once he’s home again this experience has to be discussed so that you’ll know what his wishes are in regard to death and dying. He’ll know yours as well. It’s a necessary and while this could have been disastrous, you’ve got another chance. Best to think of it as a rehearsal of sorts. Maybe when the time does come it won’t be so gut wrenching and emotionally destructive to you and others. Maybe…